Dear Universe,

Hi! Just a little note to say thanks for all the good stuff you've sent to me lately - the good husband, the decent job (with benefits!), the layoff dodge, Barry O and the Lucky Brand sale.
All of it. I love it. THANK YOU!

Howevs, one small thing to discuss. All that baby stuff? You know the stroller client we are pitching, the overwhelming baby-centric storylines in my favorite shows, my friends' newborns and their pregnancies? If those could... um stop. Or not become so prominent that would be great.

No, no - don't get my wrong. I love it when my friends have gorgeous babies and good pregnancies! Please continue all the goodness there. They are happy and that's lovely.

It's just... I would prefer to not be reminded constantly of the looming biological clock. And really, you're super not-so-secret agents are totally doing their jobs. Namely in the form of my family or my in-laws. They rock their arms in my direction, do the whole wink-wink nudge-nudge thing, using cute words like bambinos (always plural). That I can handle and truthfully, expect. I am fully aware that after a year of marriage the questions come. Unless you're my uncle who gets drunk and slurs into the camera at your wedding, "Stop all that talking and go upstairs and make babies." But I digress...

Truth is Universe and Fates, I now kinda want a baby then I start making plans - Greece, beach getaways, quick romantic weekend trips, booze. I can't DO THAT with a baby. And I like those things! Alot.

So stop making babies cute. Um, newborns should NEVER be cute. They are to be cone-headed and look like little rats. Babies should be yelling and crying and drooling. I should look at them with slight disdain and exasperation, not with cooing joy and yearning.

You're awesome.
A*