In which I brag about my trip

My dad didn't bring shorts. I know; It's a relief to the entire Internet. And I had some questions about what my dad calls me - pronounced like "cookie" only with a Spanish accent. I can't describe it but it's probably the only thing he spells right. Bless him. English is his second language. 

After the husband announced that he couldn't go, another story for another time, my parents and I loaded up the rented SUV and drove off. 

Have you road-tripped with your parents as an adult? Or rather have you road-tripped with my parents? No? Let me tell you what you're missing:

1) My parents found the satellite station with Hispanic hip-hop. These are often used in their Zumba classes. Cut to my mom and dad dancing Zumba moves for about an hour.

2) My mom has to pee. Every. Fifteen. Minutes. 

3) My dad yells at my mom every fifteen minutes. 

4) A huge truck with a confederate flag flapping wildly drives by, my dad yells out THAT'S A GOOD OL' BOY - and waves madly. 

About 3 hours on repeat. 

When we find the Blue Ridge Parkway we see this:  

Blue Ridge Parkway - October = Amazing. 

And then some of this: 

The house I threaten to buy my parents.

 I wish I could say this bevy of nature and peacefulness rendered my mother speechless. It did not. "THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING PLACE I HAVE EVER SEEN!" "HONEY, LOOK AT THAT! AND AT THAT! IT' SO BEAUTIFUL."

And it is. Beautiful. And amazing. And peaceful. 


Of course, I chose not to yell these things out at every overlook point. But then I am only half-Cuban. 


We went for a hike the next day. My mom went on and on about her knees and her back and her ankles and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT TREE. 

I took this picture. I KNOW. Amazing right? 

Continue to be amazed by my mad photog skills. Or is it skillz? 

Right? She may have yelled enough to scare away the rich white people from Missouri but I can't blame her. 

 At one point she shouted "And you say there isn't a GOD!" 


"Um, no Mom. I have never said that. Ever."


"Well PEOPLE do. And they have never seen this because THIS, THIS. IS. A. MIRACLE."


Wait til I tell you about the camouflage.  

My parents are adorable. And hilarious. 

World's Longest Email Chain About Shorts

My parents are visiting this weekend. They live in South Florida and, in their minds, any place above Orlando during the months of October - May could be overcome with a freeze of Ice Age proportions.

Yes my parents have used the Internet. Yes they are aware that there's a whole channel around weather. And yet, God forbid that they would use any of those mediums to figure out whether my father should bring shorts.

9:19 AM: I call my Mom to confirm whether or not she will be joining me for spinning. She will not be. However she does ask, "What's the weather like? Is it cold? Can Dad bring shorts?"
Me: "It's kinda rainy and we're in the 60s right now. But if he wants to go for a walk or something then sure. It's layering weather."

11:49 AM: My mom leaves me a message and sends an email.
"Dad will be sending you an email as soon as he gets to his office. He was at another office this morning."

1:38PM: Dad.

"Cuqui: Questions Should I pack some shorts?????"

Me: "Blowing Rock is in the 60s. (I include a screenshot from weather.com.) Sunny but still cool!

In Raleigh - our highs are in the mid-70s and a bit rainy. You can bring shorts to walk (they walk for exercise and my dad hauls ass) but you would probably be better off in jeans."

3:09: Dad.

"Cuqui: I mean Raleigh."

Me: "It was in my last email."

3:11: Dad.

"Oh. I don't see it."

Me: "Nevermind. It’s a bit rainy in Raleigh right now. Our highs are in the mid-high 70s but rainy. You will probably want to bring shorts for walking, etc. But jeans and pants for going out at night. Does that help?"

3:18: Dad.

"So I should bring shorts?"

Me: Face palm.

3:20: Me. "Yes Dad. Whatever you want." 

3:25: Dad. 

"What about sweaters?" 

Sigh.