Have you ever spent a whole day with no Internet, no TV - just staring at your significant other?
I do not recommend it.
TWC showed up the next day (New Year's Day) and the woman just said - "You're unplugged."
Us: "why?"
TWC: "Dunno. Someone must have called to cancel their cable and they thought it was you."
This means someone walked PAST OUR WINDOWS where the TV was CLEARLY ON and unplugged our cable without: a) asking if we were the right house or b) I don't know .... CHECKING THE ADDRESS ON THEIR STUPID FORM.
Assholes.
So I called and complained, they cut our rate. Blah Blah.
Now you're thinking - no shit, cable companies suck. What does Jillian have to do with this?
WELL...
Exercise on Demand. Channel 557. FREE EXERCISE VIDEOS. FREE JILLIAN.
Jillian who will nurture you and kick your ass at the same time. Jillian = new Marshall Applewhite. She's my Heaven's Gate. Only it more like - FUCK YOU JILLIAN I CAN'T DO MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS FOR TWO MINUTES ... gate. Whatever.
Her fantastic gems* include - "There is no modification for jumping jacks people. If a 400lb fatty can do jumping jacks then you can too. COME ON."
"YOUR SHOULDERS SHOULD BE ON FIRE RIGHT NOW!"
"You want to get shredded in 20 minutes YOU HAVE TO EARN IT. JUST DO IT."
*Paraphrasing was used within these quotes.
And you whimper, wipe snot from your nose and yell back at the TV - JILLIAN I AM ABOUT TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST YOU SKINNY BITCH.
Or maybe it's just me.
But then the cool down comes and she tells you how great you are and how she's proud and how you should be proud. And how it will all come together hot body, clear mind and healthy soul.
And even though you can't move, are bathed in sweat and are seriously considering calling into work dead by reason of insanity tomorrow you think - I totally have to do this shit again.
See? The power of Jillian TRUMPS the shittiness of Time Warner.
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